A couple of days ago; I posted about the traditional method of getting married in our culture; to be more specific; I wanted to point out how this method is being abused and how it gives a bad outcome in the end.
I received so many comments from readers who are totally for this method, and some who were against it.
I guess I have to clarify where I stand from this whole thing. If it has always been done this way; it does not mean that it is right or wrong, because as my friend Ohoud commented: it is not a black and white thing.
In the past; bride and groom did not even see each other till the wedding night; and they accepted their fates with open hearts and moved on; had children and lived their lives normally. But let's not forget that the times have truly changed; back in those days; women had to totally cover up when they go out and they were usually escorted by a male figure or an elder female.
As time and cultures evolved; girls were allowed to pursue education and they started going to schools and bit by bit; they did not need to cover up like before which allowed members of community to see them and maybe talk to them.
Despite all this evolution; mothers were dominant when it came to choosing brides for their beloved sons. Some women took this as a profession and they acted as matchmakers or "khatba". They used to go from house to house; showing photos of girls to the mothers men seeking marriage, and for a small fee; she acted as the intermediary between families till the marriage took place.
But time continued to evolve; new habits were being introduced into our closed culture over and over, and that is because we got exposed to western cultures through the occupation that lasted long years and through those who traveled abroad and came back with new visions of the future and started changing things. Mingling became a part of modern society and it was not that taboo to know someone before proposing to her.
The question is: why is this one thing not changing?
It perplexes me how men know many girls and then when it comes to marriage; none of them is good enough. Just how many times we heard the excuse: "if she went out with me, she went out with others and I want someone who never knew anyone other than me." How egocentric and arrogant is that?
OK, so not all men are like that, but what is the percentage of those who are? If the same guys who are open to having a girlfriend choose traditional as their way of getting married, then there is something wrong with the picture, right?
Some argue that there are difficulties meeting girls. Let me assume away that this is true, and the poor guys are not finding Ms. Perfect; not at university, work, gym, clubs, coffee shops, malls, movie theatres, … shall I go on? They can't find someone in all these places and their only hope is picking one from a pile of photos or through the eyes of their mothers. If the men were shy and not out there changing girlfriends like changing mobile phones; I would say: yes, they are right, they are not able to find a good girl because there is not enough choices, but this applies to a very small percentage of men; the majority want it all, they want to have fun and always have a female figure in their lives, and when the times comes and they are ready to tie the knot; it has to be someone who is very pure and does not see any other man in the world but them.
I am not generalizing; I am simply describing a phenomenon that is there and no one can deny that it does exist. So when I say that men and women enter the relationships for the very wrong reasons; this is exactly what I mean; men want fun and women want husbands; the two objectives will never meet.
Traditional method can be a good model but only if it is done right. The comments on my previous posts made me ask myself: am I anti-traditional or anti-marriage altogether?
I will tell you one thing though: I will never marry a guy based on a 2-hour interview; heck you can't even hire someone based on one interview, how about spending the rest of your life with them?
Many of the comments stated: traditional marriages do work most of the time; but are we sure that they do? Check the chat rooms and see for yourself how many married men are seeking discreet relationships with other women because they are not happy and feel that they made a mistake when they married someone they did not know. You would be shocked to learn that these men are willing to have affairs just to feel good about themselves, and when asked why they don’t communicate with their wives; mostly the answer is: she does not understand me.
At the same time; you will find many desperate housewives seeking understanding and intimacy from other men who usually take advantage of their weaknesses and vulnerability, which explains the rates of infidelity that are growing higher in our part of the world. Is this the definition of working marriages? Of course this is not the general rule, but we cannot deny that this is happening.
I'd rather stay single than get caught in a marriage with a husband that feels trapped with me and seeks solace with another woman no matter how innocent their relationship might be.
said:
for me too i prefer shadow of a wall wala shadow of a man (ya3ni del 7aita wala del ragel) :)