There comes a time in our
lives when we feel that we can make it on our own, and that we can face the
world alone, to experience independency in its most glorious forms. It's a nice
dream that keeps tickling our imagination, but the reality hits it hard in the
guts reminding us that we are in the
We come in life and don’t choose our families or even names. Even the decision of conceiving us is one that is taken by someone else; i.e. our parents. We are born to a strange environment; we get out of a world that was ours to a world that controls us through every aspect of it.
We grow up and get used to being told what to wear, what to do, what to eat and the list keeps going one and on.
We start school and we are directed towards something that others draw for us, and more often that not; it seems that we are there to make someone else's dream come true.
We live in the taboo culture; don’t do this and don’t do that. It reminds me of Bart Simpson when he used to say: you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t; nothing seems to please the community or the people, and at the same time you are not allowed to simply ignore them and do what you like; you live among people and you have to mingle and fit in.
We walk towards a future that was drawn for us; we are nothing but a part of a master plan that was designed by others, and everyone seems to know what is best for us but us. If they want to teach you responsibility; they introduce you to house chores and baby sitting your little sister, and if they want to teach you about discipline; they introduce you to punishment techniques they have creatively invented.
You graduate thinking that it is my time to rule the world now, and I have the ability to be on my own and take life and challenge it. You have this short dream to be stopped by a shocking reality that you are not free yet; you are still in custody!
I don’t want to sound ungrateful to the great people that brought us to the world and helped us live up to this point, but care can suffocate you; literally.
The only thing that we don’t learn from our families, schools, universities, society, etc. is being accountable and independent. A lot of us don’t even know what the word accountability means, and independency means starting a family of your own.
The everlasting problem that we keep facing over and over; is that we don’t gradually learn about independency and accountability; rather we are thrown in the middle of the fire and are expected not to get burned. We are faced with a lot of new things to learn and cope with all of a sudden, and unless you are prepared for this, it will take you a lifetime and maybe never to reach where you are supposed to be.
When does the custody ever stop? Why can't we be on our own when we are still in the learning phase to grasp knowledge and appreciate it bit by bit? Why aren't we allowed to explore life on our own? Why aren't we given the power of choice? Why don’t they teach us to make decisions and take responsibility for them?
What happens in our society is that the parents make your decisions for you, and choose your life direction, your education, and your profession and sometimes even your life partner. It is worse when you are a woman, because you are stuck with this custody till you are turned over to another type of custody; your papers are transferred from your father to your husband, and there must always be a custodian; you cannot take care of yourself; because you are a woman!
If you are a woman, you need protection; you can't make it on your own; you need a man to be your keeper and to be responsible for you.
When are we going to be set free? Set us free for God's sake; set us free and let us be people of opinion who own the power to choose and claim responsibility for our decisions; set us free to expose the wonderful people we can be. It is becoming boring and quite humiliating the way we are kept and transferred from one custodian to another; like you; we have brains and we will be accountable in front of God at the end, so why can't you accept that we be accountable now?
I hope you won't get sick of my always seeing the positive side of things, but...
A while ago I was studying women's issues in Arab culture, when I was struck by a contrast. In the Arab world, a woman is granted influence very slowly, but it tends to grow as she ages. Imagine the widowed matriarch and the influence and authority she has over sons, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren. (Though there are some countries that give sons authority over their widowed mothers.)
On the other hand, in the west, a woman's influence and decision making power is greatest between the ages of 18 and 25. After that, it tends to go DOWN, because most people don't respect the aged.
It takes a lot of patience to live in an Arab culture at this stage of our lives, but I'd rather my influence continue to grow than to watch it decline. Of course, the catch is that we have to do all we can to influence the culture to continue to respect the aged, otherwise, we will find ourselves without influence when we are old, too!