Don’t be surprised! Jordan is one of these countries that if you are a woman and did not marry before the age of 25; panic attacks start hitting your family and specifically your mother, and they start doing their best to change this status to married so that they can finally rest and breathe that they did what they were supposed to do.
So what happens if you hit the critical age of 25 and you are still single? From my experience; it is quite a change. I will tell you here about some of the things that will start taking place; they start very shyly but then they become aggressive in nature and you can no longer ignore them.
Suddenly; your mother wants to take you with her to any social call she is making, even if you don’t know the people or you don’t have anything in common with them; your mom will do her best to show you around to her friends and relatives and will go on and on about how successful you are, smart, obedient and how you would make a great wife and mother.
When you go to wedding parties, women will salute you and say in a low tone: By God's will; next time it will be your turn!! When will they learn that this is not a nice wish? It is as if saying we hope that one day you will get married as if this is the ultimate achievement in life!
As years go by and there is no courageous knight to come on his white horse and sweep you off your feet; the panic becomes terror and your family can no longer hide their fear from you; you will see it and feel it in everything they do or say; you do your best to reassure that you are ok with it, but still they don’t want to leave you behind alone in this world; which is something I understand especially in our society, because you will not be left alone, and every man in your family would feel that he has the right to be your custodian no matter how old you are or what social status you have; as long as you are still single; you don’t have the right to control your own life.
The big disaster takes place when your younger sister is being courted or proposed to. Your parents fall in a dilemma of traditional convictions that the younger must not marry before the elder. They don’t want to hurt the elder's feelings and lessen her chances in getting a good husband, and at the same time, they don’t want to stand in the way of the happiness of the younger. I really feel sorry for these parents; as they keep thinking of their daughters and they keep repeating the famous Arabic saying: "ham el banat le el mamat", which means that worry about daughters, keep haunting you till you die.
They start giving up when their daughter hits the 30's and she is still unmarried; and they start thinking of alternative solutions to make her life livable. They start giving her more privileges; she can stay out later than before, she can travel sometimes, and all the time they are hoping that one day; she will get married.
What is really sad about this, is that the community treats a woman of such status as if there is something wrong with her, or assuming that she is not good enough to marry one of the great guys out there. Assumptions about her past and morals start becoming the gossip of town, some would say that they heard she had lots of boyfriends in the past, and that’s why no one wants her, or that she would give any man a hard time because she is demanding, or that she is arrogant and snobbish, and many other creative stories about the reason that she is still not belonging to a man!
The most tragic thing is that when married men start proposing to her to become their second wife, assuming that she is past the age of marriage; she will definitely compromise and she should thank God that some man even thought of marrying her, as if he is doing her a favor. Some men would think that such a woman is easier to get and nail because she is desperate, and that she would be grateful if they gave her the time of the day.
No one assumes that she might be happy just the way things are, and the fact that she did not marry till now makes her insist on not compromising when it comes to the man she will spend her life with. If he did not bring something good in her life to add value; then why should she accept it? Why would she complicate her life?
Those who fall in the trap that the community designs for them, make it easier for people to believe all the bad assumptions about this woman.
Sad truth is; a woman does not get the respect she deserves unless she belonged to a man under the name of marriage. Rare are those women who can make it in our culture and survive all these setbacks. However; the fear will always be there, she will be perceived as a less of a woman and she will be treated with pity!
I have always believed that it is wrong to marry for the fear of not being married; marriage is a sacred bond that should be formed between two people who want and choose to spend their lives together because they found real happiness in this unity. I believe that I will marry someone because I love him and I will not love someone because I will marry him; if you think about it; you will find that it makes a lot of sense; if only they understand and leave us the heck alone; if we marry or don’t marry; that affects only us, so save yourselves the headache of following up on our lives that do not concern you!
said:
said:
said:
said:
Below are some words from your post:
"Sad truth is; a woman does not get the respect she deserves unless she belonged to a man under the name of marriage..."
"The big disaster takes place when your younger sister is being courted or proposed to.... "
"The community treats a woman of such status as if there is something wrong with her..."
"The most tragic thing is that when married... "
My Comment: Well Kahledah i think your looking at the issue with a very negative approach, you cant generalize all the time when talking in this issue, and you should not believe that the whole society think the same way you said above...i mean you were so dramatic in describing the situations with the words sad, tragic and disaster !!!
Who said that a women wont get her respect until she is married to a man ??? are you really looking for respect in the heads of such ignorant people who would judge the girl only because she was not married!!