Am I classified as a feminist when I say that there is a missing link between women and men in the Arab World? Is it too much to say that we speak different languages? Who is to blame for the current unspoken revolution that we are witnessing? Who is responsible; men or women?
I was watching an interview with a famous Arab actor a
while ago; he was asked about the time he spent in the
He said that he was afraid to start a relationship
with a foreign woman because his biggest fear was to be misunderstood for the
ignorant Middle Eastern man who only sees physical aspects of women. Even when
he started a relationship with an English woman; he compromised a lot because
he did not want her to think that he was barbaric and uncivilized. He did and
accepted things he would never have if he were with an Arab woman.
As honest as this point of view may seem; it makes me think more about the double standards that our Arab men adopt in their lives. They are something when they are with their women in their own world and they become something totally different when they are dealing with women from the outer world. What makes this even sadder is that they do it out of selfishness; no offense to all guys out there, but you are doing it to be perceived as civilized by these women, and you give them your respect to the extent of doing everything you can to achieve an image you drew in your imagination, yet you don’t do the same with women from your own world because your community gives you such power, and in your heart; you don’t feel the need to prove anything to the Arab woman because she is lucky just to have you!
It makes sense now why Arab men don’t like strong women and prefer the woman who sees the world through their eyes; one that does not object and agrees to everything that they say. It makes sense now that a man lives his single life to the full and when he is thirty something or forty something and is finally ready to get married; he does not pursue a woman who is close to his age; or even from his generation, rather; he goes after a woman young enough to be his daughter and convinces himself that this is a fit marriage.
Why are they so afraid? What makes them think that such a young girl would have anything in common with them? Why do they respect the foreign woman and do their best to make her see them as civilized individuals yet they don’t do the same with Arab women?
I am an advocate for communication and I always say that it takes two to make the relationship fail or succeed, and I don’t like generalizations; I believe that exceptions of today will be the rules of tomorrow and that our children will not go through the same things that we went through. We are paving the roads for them to live easier lives.
Life itself is evolving rapidly and if we don’t keep up with it, we will not find a place in it for us. Change is always good as long as we take its positive side and learn from its negative one, but it does not make sense to hold on to old thoughts and say that they are a part of tradition and that we should accept them as they are without attempting to make them fit the life of today. It is a good thing to know about our cultures and traditions, and define the boundaries according to current life changes, as we cannot go by the same standards that our ancestors drew for themselves; time changed and more importantly; we did. I would like to believe that we are more sophisticated and knowledgeable, and that we are ready to take on new challenges in our lives.
The way I see it is that if we do not start accepting and customizing new changes in our lives; we will be left out and find ourselves on the sidewalks as life passes by and leaves us behind. It is much better to accept these changes and imbed them in our culture drawing some limits and boundaries to keep the Arab identity, than to be forced to take it or leave it.
To Arab men I say: meet us half way and respect us as peers and partners so that we can have decent fruitful communications and lives; help us understand your uniqueness and individuality as you do the same exact thing with us. There are fantastic people out there who can be great couples that will lead the future, but only if we adopted positive change in our lives.
As usual; your opinions are the sole purpose I blog; so please be generous and share your thoughts with everyone!
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from Jordan