I am not quite sure if this is a phenomenon in the Arab world or that it is a normal thing that men did since ages; all I know is that this is really strange and certainly needs some focus.
Most Arab men marry for the wrong reason and at the wrong time, however; they don’t realize that they turned their life around by taking a decision when they were not in the least ready for it and its consequences. He wakes up one day to find that he is married to a woman that he does not love and a load of responsibilities lie on his shoulders; not only that, but he is the sole provider for the whole bunch.
Somewhere along the way to this point; he has lost the connection to the woman that he chose to be his lifetime partner; that is assuming he had one to begin with. He realizes that he cannot talk to her or share with her concerns that fill his mind on daily basis; routine kills all initiatives he might have to make life exciting one more time.
Married couples in our part of the world see marriage as the end of freedom and fun, and the beginning of a life full of responsibilities and work load that never ends. He has to provide for the welfare of the whole family as he is the protector. On the other hand, she has responsibilities of her own; the house, the kids and many other duties that fill her days. They fail to recognize marriage as a start rather than an end, and instead of merging their lives into one, each goes on living his/her life separately leaving their common interests or sharing points to be limited to duties that marital life forces on them.
When boredom hits them real hard, they start looking for an escape or a way out to vent and feel alive one more time. Since our society is male dominated no doubt, and since men in our community get away with almost anything; they seek friendship from the opposite sex, convincing themselves and their friends that it is very innocent and it will not hurt anyone; they just need this friendship, hence; the phenomenon of married men with girlfriends.
I have come across many of those; and I always ask them why can't they be their wives' friends? Why do they not include their wives in their social circles? Why do they not introduce this so called girlfriend to their wives if it was as innocent as they claim? Why do they need a girlfriend to begin with? Do they think that there is no solution to the situation they have? Lots of questions and they almost always have no convincing answers. Most of the ones I discussed this with; they say that their wives do not understand them and that there is nothing in common between the, they made a mistake when they married them and now that they have kids, they are staying with the wife because of the kids, blah blah blah
I am not against friendship in the concept; but I never feel comfortable when some married guys want to take a casual acquaintance to another level of exclusive friendship, claiming that the wife does not understand them and that they need someone who does. The problem is that they don’t understand this as respect for the woman who is in the dark on all of this, but they take it as a sign of playing hard to get in the hopes of having something more than a friendship.
Women in our community tend to take their marriages and husbands for granted; and when finally the man breaks free; she starts complaining and blaming her bad luck on the jerk of a husband she ended up with, but the reality is that she played as much of a role in destroying the bond as he did. Once she gets married, she stops paying attention to herself like she did before, she dresses up to go out but not for her husband, make up and perfume are for occasions and not for calm evenings with the man of the house. When she talks to him it is almost always about problems they are facing, or about his family, i.e. his mother, or about the kids and what they need; she does not discuss his work with him or even put the effort to share his concerns with him.
Let's face it ladies; we bare the responsibility of this one! Men need a lot more than a clean house, clean clothes, food, etc. Men need partners to go through the hardships of life; they need to discuss politics, football, news, stocks and everything that interests them, and if he cannot find this at home, he will look elsewhere, so you better work on your conversational skills, become your husband's best friend and relief him of the guilt that he has to live with when he takes a girlfriend that speaks to his mind.
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from United States