Have you ever gone through this phase of emptiness? Where nothing is working and nothing is fulfilling? When you look around and you realize that there is not one single truth about your life that is satisfying? When you find yourself alone with no one to lean on? Is this depression or beyond it?

We say we have friends, but where are they? Each is leading his/her life in another part of the world; even if physically close, it is thousands of light mental years apart. You want to reach out to rant without being judged and what do you get? A preach!

You look for people who would empathically listen to you and what do you get? They don’t have enough time to spare.

I am depressed and probably not making much sense; I am sleep deprived and I wish to be sedated; when I do wake up, I hope it would be to a different world and a different me!

I was just having a conversation with my colleague 7ala about educated people and sophisticated ones and how there is a huge difference between both. In a country like Jordan; education has become a necessity like food and medicine; it seems that everyone gets to pursue higher education especially with all these private universities out there.

If we go back 40 or 50 years in time and see how Jordan or the whole Arab World was for that matter; we will find that only a minority of population got the opportunity to pursue higher education; this minority was usually from the rich class because they could afford to send their children abroad at a time we did not have universities here.

University of Jordan was founded in 1962 and starting that time, other sectors of the society had a chance to study without traveling, and education was no longer restricted to the financially fortunate individuals. By then; even middle class families could manage to send their sons and daughters to university to give them a chance at a better and brighter future than them.

I think it was initiated then that almost all people wanted to children to become doctors or engineers because those were in high demand at the time, they would graduate and find jobs waiting for them and they would make good money that will help them and their families to survive.

That generation got the most benefit out of education because they were a rare currency at that time and they did not need to struggle to find a job. The country was still less congested, they were needed and the value of our currency was much higher than now which facilitated financial growth for this group.

With time; more schools and universities were established, education was made obligatory for both genders, public schools made it possible for lower classes of the society to send their children to school. With passing years; the population increased significantly and at the same time the value of the currency was reduced.

In the last 20 years of this country's life, we have witnessed changes take place and we have proved that we are capable to adapt no matter what the circumstances were. Jordan was exposed to critical circumstances without having any infrastructure to adapt, yet the whole country and its people proved one more time that Jordanians are survivors.

One of these changes was that most of the people are educated with at least the first university degree, and just like any rule in this world; more supply means less demand and this is exactly what happened to our generation; we came at a time where there is no significant need or demand for our certificates; we now resemble those who had no education so 30 or 40 years ago.

What could be the solution? Stop people from pursuing higher education and move more towards technical professions?

Isn't it a valid point that the education fees are getting higher to push those who cannot afford it to learn something handy? Maybe it is a message to all those middle and lower class or even poor people to take their children out of schools and pushing them towards workshops and technical training centers to learn a profession that sends the individual earlier into the workforce.

To tell you the truth; I really don’t find anything wrong with this approach; if a person is not into physics, math and chemistry, why not learn something he would benefit from and give back to his family and the society as a whole. Instead of wasting the years on learning things he/she will never like or comprehend; isn't it easier if they shift towards practical education and save themselves and their folks time and money?

Yes, everyone has the right to get education, I am not defying that, but what if this education will be all wasted if this particular someone was not good at it or did not find anything to do with it when he/she graduates?

Yesterday; I read a post by the caller; she was talking about all these young people dreaming of leaving their countries to a place that would provide them with a better opportunity to work and make money, but couldn't it have been easier for some of these people to learn something that would give them the same if not a better opportunity in their own countries?

How do we manage to land good jobs in a place where everyone is educated? How can someone accept to be paid pennies after he/she worked so hard and studied harder for over 16-20 years? What is the solution?

The way I see it, it is no longer special or extraordinary to have a university degree; 30 years ago; a university graduate was someone people looked up to and youngsters saw as a role model. These days; we are like everyone else, we are all educated.

What sets the records straight is how sophisticated people are. The problem with us is that we don’t read and no, newspapers are not considered reading material!

What makes technicians, carpenters, electricians, mechanics, painters … etc. thought less of, is that when they leave school, they ditch reading and they do not develop themselves intellectually; they stop at that point and never grow up. What everyone must realize is that being sophisticated has nothing to do with being educated. Although it is easier for an educated person to grow into becoming sophisticated; it is not impossible for the uneducated to do that as well; all they need is the desire, willpower, determination and persistence and then they will become extraordinary with no doubt.

We all get these annoying chain letters that doom us with bad luck if we don’t keep the letter moving. We get the same email many times because it seems that all our friends remember us with a simple forwarded message.

I really don’t mind much when the message is nice and sometimes brings a smile or a good laugh; however; some of these messages are becoming really annoying and those who initiate them try to make the reader feel a bit guilty if he/she cuts the chain and stops it in its tracks.

For example; I get these letters with nice Islamic messages, but at the end of the message, I find a disguised threat that says: if you are too good to read and pass this message, maybe you are not worthy of the rewards that you will gain if you do! How did these people live before the email era? What did they use to forward chain letters? Regular mail, registered mail or courier services?

Sometimes these messages are nothing more than a hoax email that spreads like fire in hay, and usually these kinds of messages are about famous characters or companies or just plain urban legends that hold no objective whatsoever; you scroll down the piles and piles of email addresses that are included from previous forward processes, and when you finally reach the end of the letter, it is a small message that dooms your with bad fortune and loss of all your life luck if you stop this letter from reaching the world.

It always amazed me how some people find the time and energy to create and start such chain letters; where do they get the material from? I am not talking about those who forward, I am talking about those who create and initiate.

The web is a wide source that can give information and images about almost anything, and with the new emerging technologies; you can find clips and send it to your friends list and so on.

We have seen groups created on MSN, Yahoo and others, and we have been sent many letters that were originally created by group administrators with an invitation to join at the end of the letter. I have to admit that some of these messages have good content but some others are just a pure waste of time.

When blogging picked up in our part of the world, we have seen fellow bloggers fall in the trap of "copy and paste"; they used to copy the content of these email letters and paste it in a post on their blogs. We have talked a lot about such bloggers and advised others that for your blog to be genuine; you have to stay away from the "copy and paste" trap.

What is happening now is the complete opposite; the chain letters creators have found a rich material in blogs; and I am receiving chain letters with content I have already seen and know that one of my fellow bloggers has actually written that.

Last night, as I was checking my email; I got an email that has images I have seen on Sabbah's blog. Another email contains the poem that Mysterious Eve wrote for the child Ahmad who died in the Israeli aggression last week, and as if that is not enough; I get the same poem but translated to English. Another time; I got an email with many pictures taken from Talasim and they still hold the logo.

Where is the respect for people who come up with these posts? Why don’t people respect copyrights and get permission from authors before they steal their material? This is stealing and I don’t think that it can be called something else.

Maybe it is time for those emailers to step aside and have mercy on our inboxes that become full because of these forwarded letters that have content we have already seen on blogs and by their own original authors; will you please stop the redundancy and give us a break?

We keep hearing companies repeating that one of their strengths is that they listen to their clients, but do they really hear what they are telling them? Do they care that sometimes what the client wants to buy is not exactly what they want to sell?

In all the management books I read; it is mentioned that to be a good leader you have to listen with empathy. I remember that during one of the courses that I have taken a couple of years ago, the instructor was this elderly guru who has developed many companies and helped others make it; he told us that God has given us two ears and one mouth because it is wiser to listen more than we talk; that’s called wisdom.

In sales courses I have learned that selling is not about talking and good salespeople are not those who talk a lot; great salespeople are those who listen to their clients and eventually give them what they need.

It is unfortunate that when people are listening to you, they are actually not listening to understand; they are listening to respond and that means they are thinking of their next response and not comprehending what you are saying; that’s why we get engaged in conversations that are unsatisfying and more often than not, they end with no result at all.

Have you ever thought about this? Could it be that people fail in negotiations because they fail to listen? Could it be that we keep losing clients because we don’t really listen to their needs? Are we obsessed with what we sell that we completely ignore what people are actually looking to buy?

These are all valid scenarios and maybe we are subconsciously screwing up our opportunities because we suck at this simple skill; listening. We believe that our way is ultimately the right way and no matter how others try to describe their way of thinking, they will never e able to convince us, because like us, they don’t listen.

Companies wonder why they are losing clients, managers are always shocked that they are losing employees because they think that they are the best managers and they give their employees everything they ask for, but do they really? How could that be the case if they are not even prepared to listen to their internal customers? When will they see that it is not “my way or the high way” any more; talents are very hard to find and it is even harder to retain them especially with the severe brain drain that our country is suffering from.

Why don’t we at least try to understand the other point of view? Why should there be a dominant opinion over others? Who said everyone must see the world from the same angle? When will we start listening to what others are trying to say?

If we think deeper, we will find that when spouses have problems, it is because they don’t listen to each other, and it is like a conflict where there should be a winner and a loser; if you ever read John Gray’s “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” you would understand what I a talking about here. Same applies between parents and children, professors (teachers) and students, managers and employees, leaders and followers, even between friends. The everlasting struggles that keep us thinking without any result, it causes fights and hot debates, when will people understand that it does not necessarily mean that I am against you if I don’t agree with what you believe in? could this happen one day???

Last week was awful; it was filled with disappointments and shocks from people I really thought highly of. It was a slow miserable week and it seemed that it was not going to ever end and I thought to myself: it will be over sooner or later so keep up girl!

I did not imagine that there could be something worse than last week, but this week is proving me wrong so far; maybe this whole month sucks or maybe my stars are just messed up and turning my days into a living hell.

Anyway; I think that one of the worst things that can ever happen to you is when someone you trust breaks a promise he made to you. As we get to know new people in our life, we grow to trust some of them, be it on a personal level or a business level; trust has proven to be one of the most important ingredients in communication recipe between individuals. In fact; I consider it to be the most important one.

Think about it; where would we be without trust? How would we live comfortably if we had to doubt everything and everyone around us? How would it be feasible for us to go on in life if we did not have people we can count on? If we think that our families and friends could double cross us any time, how would we deal with them? How can we move forward if we are paranoid of being stabbed in the back?

Trust is like an unwritten agreement between people; you don’t have to have a contract with everyone to be able to trust them, actually; I believe that if you do need such a piece of paper to reassure you, then this is the biggest proof that you do not trust these individuals and that’s why you needed what they promised you in writing so that you can hold them to it, you are expecting their double cross and you want to be prepared.

When you do trust someone; his word is enough and more binding than a thousand useless pieces of paper. They used to say that a man is bound by the words he says and they are considered commitments that he cannot and will not turn his back on. Men used words for business deals and the commitment was always: "I give you my word."

Of course when someone breaks up the promise; there is nothing you can do about it but it does not feel good, in fact it feels lousy and tastes like crap.

There are so many people out there who promise you so many things and give you their word for it, but they seldom come through, and when they do break their promises; their justification is that the agreement they had with you and have been going by for sometime now is not working for them any more and that’s why they are changing the rules of the game. You don’t like that? Well, tough luck dude; they call the shots and if you don’t accept it, the agreement is already broken and you are as worthless as the promise they gave you.

Sometimes I think to myself that most of the things that happen in my life should not happen in the first place and I wonder if it is my fault that they do happen; maybe I should stop being too nice as my ex-boss once told me; he said that my main problem in life is that I was too nice and that I should take courses on how to be tough with people. I really wonder if he was right all along.

Broken promises are in fact grounds for major break ups in relationships and arrangements, but it seems that honor is something of the past and one should not count on others' sense of decency and consideration. Such people are teaching us selfishness in its ugliest shapes and we all know that it is foolish and dumb to expect something to come out of selfish people because they only serve themselves and their own best interests regardless of how this might affect others.

They say: if you don’t want to feel disappointed, don’t raise your hopes or don’t even hope at all! Don’t expect much from others and you will not be subjected to one of the worst feelings ever existed; the feeling of being let down and deep disappointment.

No matter how hard we train ourselves to expect the worst for everything and everyone around us; we cannot but build a few hopes here and there. Unfortunately; people have made it an art to not meet others' expectations or fulfill their hopes.

Human psychology is so complicated and this shows in ways that are never predicted. Sometimes; you would believe that you are a good judge of character and that you can see through people to the extent that they can never deceive you, however; some people get to surprise you after all precautions and preparations.

We tend to think highly of people we like and we tend not to believe that they would ever let us down intentionally, but the fact forces itself on us once and again that these we care about so much might not feel the same about us and to them we are just another person passing their lives for one reason or another. Therefore; when they act with no consideration whatsoever to your feelings and/or reaction, you cannot help but feel the bitterness of disappointment.

What amazes me often that many people actually weigh and evaluate things from their own point of view only, without considering other factors; they only see what's in it for them and never think of consequences.

In this modern age where the machine is taking over many a role of people, we seem to have automated our own way of thinking; we seldom consider the human factor as human, and as the machine has calculated output whenever we give certain input, so should people. So if I was to give a machine the input of A and B, according to the calculations, predictions and equations, the machine must give an output of C and D, no tolerance for mistakes here because this is the way it is supposed to work, hence no disappointment from the outcome.

When dealing with people, it is juvenile to think that if I give a person the input of A and B, the outcome must be C and D, why? Because a human being is a bundle of feelings and emotions that are run by the most complicated machine; the brain; no two people are expected to give the same result and that is why some exceed our expectations and some actually disappoint us immensely.

How many times did we convince ourselves that X would never do this to me because he is my friend only to be surprised later that X was responsible for many of our own heartaches and setbacks? How many times did we give out of love only to be received with rejection and denial from those we care the most about?

These are everyday incidents and we have all suffered from such things at any point of our lives. Some of us have even vowed to themselves never to trust anyone again and to be very careful when dealing with others, but one of our most important features as humans is that we forget, sometimes it is a blessing to forget sour things but sometimes it is not wise to forget what stings like a bee; we should always remember how much it hurt when we let our guard down so that we will not be in the same position again.

From my own experience; no matter how nice others may seem, they are nice as long as you are of benefit to them, once this benefit is over; they really don’t have a reason to be nice to you and so they won't be.

I learned that when people want something from you, they will suck up to you and show you their best; once they get what they want; adios baby!

Disappointment is the thing that happens to newlyweds when they discover that the one they married is completely different from the one they fell in love with or were engaged to.

It is what happens to you when you have worked so hard on yourself to graduate and then once you achieve that, you don’t find practical life easy enough to live. It is what you feel when you cannot find a job and when you do and think that all your problems are over; they shock you with the bad treatment you will get and how they enslave you for the few bucks they give you.

Disappointment is a part of our lives and no matter how much it drags us down; we need to get up again and fight to live the kind of life we want. We cannot allow it to break us in half just because we are not strong enough or the shock was big enough. It is one of the many things that we as humans need to deal with and maybe the best way is precaution; always manage our expectations to take the good and the bad and never trust anyone too much because only those you trust are capable of hurting you so much.

It is a lot easier to neglect large people than to admit that they exist! How did I reach this realization you ask? Well, it is very easy; all you have to do is look around you and you will figure it out for yourself.

To clear any confusions in your minds; yes, I am talking about fat people, whether we use terms like large, overweight, obese, big … etc. this does not change the fact that we mean fat. So, let's call a spade a spade and hit the nail right on the head.

Let's look around us and see how fat people are treated in our society. More often than not, fat people are considered with no feelings or insensitive, because let's face it; if they had feelings at all, they wouldn't be fat to begin with, they would do their best to fit their bodies to fit in the community.

Let's go shopping; almost all stores in Amman don't have large or extra large sizes from their merchandize that is displayed. When you find a store once every blue moon that has such sizes; they are tailored for older ages and they are all in dark colors, therefore; fat people are left with three options:

1-      Accept whatever the stores throw at you and be grateful that you ever found anything at all; it is true that you will appear a lot older than you real age to which the weight added a few years already, but who is looking? You are not normal so you might as well admit it and move on.

2-      Don't accept to wear clothes that are good for your mother or grandmother and go tailor your own wardrobe. If you go downtown, you will find lots of stores that sell nice fabrics; you can choose your favorite colors and pay the stewardess a visit and make your own clothes.

3-      Don’t accept that you are different and keep looking for clothes in the stores. You want stylish clothes and you don’t want to surrender to the idea that these models do not fit your body type, so you settle for clothes one or two sizes smaller and you will look uglier than ever because you did not flatter your body by doing such actions.

Being fat in our part of the world means hearing remarks as you are walking down the street, being ogled at when you are eating, getting uncalled for advice from people and being fat deprives you from your rights of leading a normal life; you will not have the chance to love and be loved because who wants to be seen next to a fat person?

Let's take a look at relationships of fat people; almost always; fat people are the clowns of the group; they are the ones who always make fun of themselves, they are the first to laugh if someone dropped a joke about them and they never show that they got upset if someone offended them; after all; fat people are not supposed to have feelings, right?

Fat people are always judged by their size and shape; the majority of people do not pay attention to their personalities; if they had a personality to begin with; they wouldn't have been fat, right? This attitude is passed from one generation to another and we see that our kids are doing the exact same things we do; they treat their overweight counterparts as insensitive and objects for mockery and sarcasm!

Fat people are prejudiced all over the world, however; when we look at the west and how they deal with the issue, it is completely different than what we see in our part of the world. Not only they are treated as human at least formally, but obesity is now officially a disease and is covered by insurance. It is the No. 1 reason of deaths in USA and medical researchers are working on obesity causes and treatments exactly like they are working on any other fatal disease.

In our part of the world, obesity is considered a choice and that is why fat people are treated so badly. The majority of the people have convictions that fat people should be more decisive and determine to lose the weight and thin people almost always throw unwanted advice to them by saying: don't eat too much and you will lose weight.

Fat people hurt from the inside and do their best not to show so that they won't get more advice from those around them. At a certain point; they might even lose all control over their urges and their binging which will make things even worse.

Obesity and overweight have so many types and are caused by a different number of reasons. It is true that the most commonly known type is the one resulting from overeating or choosing the starch and fat rich foods as preferences, however; there are some clinical reasons that cause obesity and this one is the hardest and the most painful. A slight imbalance in the body hormones can cause obesity; certain medications have overweight as one of their most common side effects and emotional disturbance plays a major role in gaining or losing weight.

So, to all people out there reading these lines; cut fat people some slack; it does not make you a better person just because you weigh a lot less and it does not make them bad because they are fat. Also, don’t ever forget that regardless of their sizes; fat people are still human and have feelings that are more fragile than yours and they are easily hurt; their lack of self confidence makes them compensate for it with sharing people's jokes and laughs about them or even starting the joke themselves. They are self conscious and try to make up to their shortcomings by showing the world that they could care less.

Trust me when I tell you these things because I experienced them first hand and I know how it feels and how it hurts to be judged and prejudiced because of your size; it is really ironic how people consciously or subconsciously subtract the weight and size of your brain and experience from your overall size and weight!

It has been a very long time since I posted anything on my blog and I really miss my readers and fellow bloggers. I miss the action that some topics trigger among us, I miss debates and most of all; I miss writing.

Coming back to my blog bit by bit; I decided to give it a makeover and I felt like blue! You see; there is a special bond between yours truly and the blue color with its different shades; I just love it and connect with it on a psychological level, hence; my Mind has just turned blue!

Back to this post and why I felt the urge to write after all this time; there is a phenomenon that really annoys me and I really want to rant some about it and maybe you can help me understand and cope with it.

We all take walks in Amman's streets; we go into supermarkets, malls, bookshops, restaurants, stores … etc. Sometimes we take walks downtown where streets are full of people coming and going and you cannot help bumping into them as you go by. These are all normal things but what is it with people who ogle you and give you the look as if they are weighing you from head to toe and sometimes the other way? What is that look exactly?

Sometimes you cannot enjoy a meal at a restaurant because people stare at your direction and try to figure out what you have ordered. Other times you are walking down the street to notice that the person walking in your direction is staring at your shoes or clothes and then makes eye contact with you before he/she moves along or breaks the stare. What is that?

Some people change their face expressions to make sure that the message got through to you; they did not like you or how you look or what you are wearing and they want to make sure that you know it. They will only break the stare when they make eye contact with you and twist their mouths to convey to you: dude; I hate you, I hate the way you look, the way you walk, your clothes, your color, your features; I hate you!

I have to wonder; don't these people know that it is rude to stare? Didn't their mothers teach them not to do that because people don’t appreciate being ogled? When will they learn that it is a bad manner to gaze at someone with no reason?

The other day; I was going home with my dad after I went to see my doctor; I was feeling weak and very sick; it was only one week after my surgery and my wound was not healing; it got infected and I had to pass by the pharmacy to get the antibiotics the doctor prescribed. I went in and there were two pharmacists at the counter; they were busy with clients so I waited and did not give them my prescription.

The pharmacist closer to me noticed that I was not in my best state and told me to have a seat and relax while he fills the prescription and took it from me. I appreciated this kind gesture and was happy to take the seat but the guy who was being served at the time did not like it; he gave me "the look"! he stared at me and gave me the head to toe evaluation gaze; I tried to ignore it but he kept standing there and staring at me till he made eye contact with me; he twisted his mouth and shook his head as if to say that I did not deserve the good treatment that I got from the pharmacist, then he took the medication and went out without even saying: thank you!

What is that?

What is it that makes people who do not know you judge you and condemn you at the same time by giving you "the look"? Is it arrogance? Being judgmental? Feeling superior? Or feeling less?

I am one of those people who feel it when they are being watched or stared at, so you can imagine the dismay and discomfort I feel when it happens. Sometimes I stare back till they break the stare but I can't do that all the time as I don’t want to start an eye fight out of nothing; they hate me already!

I just want to say that if you ever catch yourself staring at someone for any reason, remember that they might not like it especially if they are not from those who crave attention. On the other hand; if you are being stared at, do your best to ignore it because it will not make any difference in your life or the current situation if you did not, and remember that it is their problem if they are staring at you and you don’t have to do anything about it!