This is a title of a featured article in VIVA Magazine for March issue. The author of the article is discussing the emerging phenomenon into our society that is becoming more lenient and is tolerating the idea of dating and adults being their own matchmakers.

I liked the ideas presented in the article because this evolution is bound to happen. One of the things mentioned is that the idea of dating is not a new one; for many generations now; men and women have been dating and establishing long relationships before marriage, although secretly. What is important now though; is when and how to bring this forward and have these relationships in the open?

It makes me wonder if our parents and the older generation would be accepting to this idea, and how willing are they to embrace it and allow their adult children to act on their own and find their matches through dating, socializing and mingling with the opposite sex in open and honest contexts.

The author met and discussed this concept with many people and got some very interesting feedback; it seems that more people are becoming accepting to the idea and are willing to embrace it in their lives in order to find the right person that they will spend the rest of their lives with.

However; she points out that although dating has a positive impact in the society, it is not risk free at all. For starters; the double standards ruling our community where men get away with things that they judge their women peers for. Applying this to the dating game; a man can go out on as many dates; has many relationships before he is ready to settle down, but when he is ready; he goes after someone who does not date or whom he met in a family gathering or something of the sort. Of course; this does not apply to all men in our community, but it certainly is the norm.

By chance; the magazine features another article by a bachelor who is defending the dating game saying that it has become a need in our society; people are getting married at a later age than before and they only have one shot at marriage, so, dating became necessary for them to understand themselves and what they want in their future spouses. He also points out that some men do abuse this freedom by dating many women and dumping them along the way till he is ready, and when he is finally ready to marry; he will go for someone with a pristine past because reputable girls don’t date. I have to wonder here is this is not an excuse more than a learning curve for the man to play around and keep himself busy till he is ready to tie the knot.

Going back to the article subject of this post; the author also points out a downside for the dating social system, which is the emotional side. When you embrace the concept of dating; you are putting yourself and your feelings on the line and you will be susceptible to get heartbroken, especially if you fall in love with that person or in the least get attached to them.

Breaking up can cause so much heartache and pain; if you are not ready to accept all the possibilities, you are in trouble.

Another issue comes to mind here; what are the guidelines and rules of dating? How do you meet each other and where? Do you go out on real dates or you prefer group gatherings? When do you consider yourself exclusive or going steady with someone? How do you announce it to the people around you? If you ever breakup, do you continue seeing each other in the social circles you are used to, or do you stay away from the whole scene? Are we mature enough to take in this whole dating system and accept it with all its good and bad sides?

As for me, I do not consider it wrong for two people to get to know each other before they start thinking of marriage; however; being in our society and culture, I cannot but wonder if this is even possible. I know for a fact that my parents will not be accepting for the whole idea. Of course I have been in relationships before, and I never hid them as well. I had clashes with my parents about this, but we finally reached an understanding that this is my life and as long as I am not doing anything wrong, then they have nothing to worry about; so far, this is working just fine although I am not a solid believer in the integrity of men in our community, well, not anymore anyway! No offense guys!!

In conclusion; this article by Laura Haddad is a must read; it sheds light on an urgent matter of this emerging phenomenon that is forcing itself in our society whether we like it or not. I must say here: VIVA Magazine Rocks!

So we all were tagged by Hareega; he simply copied and pasted the JP list of citizens to include all in it. He stated in his post that his tag questions might be perceived as perverted while his sole objective was to end the tagging craze.  

Frankly; I found this tag to be humorous and in no way offending; otherwise I wouldn't have engaged in it and answered it publicly which caused some of my readers to get angry and send me some comments expressing their anger and disappointment.

As a sign of respect to their opinions; I removed the post and sent them an apology; however; I don't feel that I did something outrageous and to be honest; I am not quite sure as to why they got offended in the first place??!

I saw this tag dare funny; it is not a crime to make fun of ourselves every once in a while and not take ourselves too seriously. The questions were daring; I can't deny that, but in no way I found them offending religiously or anything … so lighten up guys and consider this a break from all the seriousness around us!

This is my opinion only; and I do apologize for those who do not share it. I always speak my mind and defend my beliefs, so I think that some have overreacted on something that could have been brushed off as a light hearted fun, or oops; I forgot that we are not allowed to have some fun!!!

I am not quite sure if this is a phenomenon in the Arab world or that it is a normal thing that men did since ages; all I know is that this is really strange and certainly needs some focus.  

Most Arab men marry for the wrong reason and at the wrong time, however; they don’t realize that they turned their life around by taking a decision when they were not in the least ready for it and its consequences. He wakes up one day to find that he is married to a woman that he does not love and a load of responsibilities lie on his shoulders; not only that, but he is the sole provider for the whole bunch.

Somewhere along the way to this point; he has lost the connection to the woman that he chose to be his lifetime partner; that is assuming he had one to begin with. He realizes that he cannot talk to her or share with her concerns that fill his mind on daily basis; routine kills all initiatives he might have to make life exciting one more time.

Married couples in our part of the world see marriage as the end of freedom and fun, and the beginning of a life full of responsibilities and work load that never ends. He has to provide for the welfare of the whole family as he is the protector. On the other hand, she has responsibilities of her own; the house, the kids and many other duties that fill her days. They fail to recognize marriage as a start rather than an end, and instead of merging their lives into one, each goes on living his/her life separately leaving their common interests or sharing points to be limited to duties that marital life forces on them.

When boredom hits them real hard, they start looking for an escape or a way out to vent and feel alive one more time. Since our society is male dominated no doubt, and since men in our community get away with almost anything; they seek friendship from the opposite sex, convincing themselves and their friends that it is very innocent and it will not hurt anyone; they just need this friendship, hence; the phenomenon of married men with girlfriends.

I have come across many of those; and I always ask them why can't they be their wives' friends? Why do they not include their wives in their social circles? Why do they not introduce this so called girlfriend to their wives if it was as innocent as they claim? Why do they need a girlfriend to begin with? Do they think that there is no solution to the situation they have? Lots of questions and they almost always have no convincing answers. Most of the ones I discussed this with; they say that their wives do not understand them and that there is nothing in common between the, they made a mistake when they married them and now that they have kids, they are staying with the wife because of the kids, blah blah blah

I am not against friendship in the concept; but I never feel comfortable when some married guys want to take a casual acquaintance to another level of exclusive friendship, claiming that the wife does not understand them and that they need someone who does. The problem is that they don’t understand this as respect for the woman who is in the dark on all of this, but they take it as a sign of playing hard to get in the hopes of having something more than a friendship.

Women in our community tend to take their marriages and husbands for granted; and when finally the man breaks free; she starts complaining and blaming her bad luck on the jerk of a husband she ended up with, but the reality is that she played as much of a role in destroying the bond as he did. Once she gets married, she stops paying attention to herself like she did before, she dresses up to go out but not for her husband, make up and perfume are for occasions and not for calm evenings with the man of the house. When she talks to him it is almost always about problems they are facing, or about his family, i.e. his mother, or about the kids and what they need; she does not discuss his work with him or even put the effort to share his concerns with him.

Let's face it ladies; we bare the responsibility of this one! Men need a lot more than a clean house, clean clothes, food, etc. Men need partners to go through the hardships of life; they need to discuss politics, football, news, stocks and everything that interests them, and if he cannot find this at home, he will look elsewhere, so you better work on your conversational skills, become your husband's best friend and relief him of the guilt that he has to live with when he takes a girlfriend that speaks to his mind.

Who doesn't know Amina from the famous novel by Najib Mahfouz; Qasr El Shoq? This great novel talks about the life of an Egyptian family during occupation years. It tells the story of a tough man "Sayed Ahmad" who was ruling his household with great cruelty and force; Amina was his wife.

We saw how this powerful feared man used to live two separate lives with two completely different women. First woman was his simple wife, Amina. She obeyed him or one can say that she worshipped him, taking everything he says as an order that she must follow religiously. She never ate in front of him, instead; she stood beside the table waiting for his instructions. She never looked at him when he gave her the orders; she kept her eyes on the ground. Going out of the house was out of the question; she was only allowed to visit her mother with previous permission from him. She dedicated her time to keep him happy and made sure that he has everything he needed at any point of time.

Second woman was the famous artist and belly dancer Zbaida. She was quite the opposite of Amina; she was the naughty playful female, who makes a living from entertaining men. She was the mistress of this powerful man; he lived with her a secret life full of fantasies and wild nights. He led these two lives separately and made sure that they did not mix in any way.

Mahfouz gave us two extreme representations of women in the Arab World, moreover; he showed us how the same man treated this extremely different to because of the double standards that the Arab man was drowning in at that time.

This story took place in the thirties, but I can't help but think that nothing much has changed ever since. We still have Amina's and Zbaida's and the double standards still rule to date.

A couple of days ago, I posted about this issue and got very interesting comments from my dear readers. Some blamed women of the Arab World on men's double standard attitude, some blamed men and the rest blamed both. Reading the comments on that post made me think of this great work of Mahfouz's; it made me think of the huge inheritance that reached us from our great grandfathers and grandmothers, and I can't help but believe that each Arab man has "Si El Sayyed" inside him and each Arab woman has both "Amina" and "Zbaida" inside her struggling for one of them to emerge to the surface and dominate the other.

Moderate women of today have somewhat gained control over their Amina, however; more often than not; when Si El Sayyed emerges to the surface in their men; Amina takes over and becomes in control. It perplexes me how men in our Arab World live the two personalities and master their roles with an Oscar performance.

We witness many examples of the double standards in our community and we don’t know when or how this will end. One guy goes out with girls, loves them and become loved by them, takes them out and gets them gifts. With his girlfriend; he is Romeo, showers her with love words and makes sure she is always happy. Same guy goes home and bullies his sisters, orders them around, never shows them any love or respect and dare one of them get herself a boyfriend and practice the same rights her brother gave to himself or the community gave to him because he is a guy. If she is discovered; hell breaks loose and she can lose her life in the process because her honorable brother could not handle the shame she brought upon him and the family.

Our community gives men the right to do whatever they like and the lame explanation is that they are men and they will not be affected by these relationships. Just because it does not have any apparent effects on a man to lose virginity or get pregnant, God forbid, the community gives him a green light to indulge in taboo things that are not even allowed to be discussed. What makes things worse is that when he is discovered; no one looks at it as a shameful thing; rather it becomes a need and men have needs, right?

Same community forces reasonable and unreasonable restraints on girls suppressing them and depriving them from their freedom to choose. We see girls resorting to lying and going around the rules to practice their rights in life.

Before I get accused of encouraging girls to have forbidden relationships; let me make it clear that not all girls in our society are after this particular right; believe it or not; we think in a complete different manner than men. What is the core issue of this post is the deprivation of the right to choose, and the right to live a normal life that is free from lies and fear. Why can't men accept the women in their families are humans and have the right to choose the way they want to live? Why don’t they encourage them to lead their lives freely and in the open where they can supervise and give advice? Why do they force them to resort to lying and deceiving them?

Women bare a large part of the responsibility in this situation; she is the one raising the man and teaching him how to deal with women starting from home. If she teaches him that his sisters have feelings and should not act as his servants just because they are girls, he will start having a deep respect to the woman as a woman. If the father respects his wife and gives her a special rank in the family; children will grow to understand that this is a partnership and that it is not a master – slave relationship where the woman is the slave for the mere fact that she is a woman. So, for all the mothers and fathers out there; stop treating your sons as Gods and your daughters as slaves, instead; treat them as humans who are equal regardless of gender so that they would have deep respect to each other.

In past times; women did not go out of their housed to work side by side with the man, she did not have to participate in providing for the household, she did not have to be a super woman who divides herself between rules of working woman, wife, mother and housekeeper. She did not have to struggle 24/7 to raise her kids and teach them right from wrong. She did not have to be the prime bread provider for the house in many cases, and yet what shocks me is that men still insist to be treated as masters, they still want to be kings of the house.

Bottom line is that some women have evolved and grown, they know their rights and more importantly know how to get them, they no longer accept to be slaves and they chose to kill Amina once and for all, they got rid of the fear and they are honest with themselves and their surroundings. The question is; are men afraid of such women? Do they choose Amina over this woman or does he find pleasure in transforming this woman into Amina using his authority given to him by God and community? What is it with you guys that makes you scared of giving women some freedom and empower them to take their own decisions?

I wish that as many guys participate in this discussion to help us all understand what they want.

Am I classified as a feminist when I say that there is a missing link between women and men in the Arab World? Is it too much to say that we speak different languages? Who is to blame for the current unspoken revolution that we are witnessing? Who is responsible; men or women?

I was watching an interview with a famous Arab actor a while ago; he was asked about the time he spent in the UK and his relationships with women at the time. His answers were very interesting and for the first time ever, I hear such honest answers and point of view.

He said that he was afraid to start a relationship with a foreign woman because his biggest fear was to be misunderstood for the ignorant Middle Eastern man who only sees physical aspects of women. Even when he started a relationship with an English woman; he compromised a lot because he did not want her to think that he was barbaric and uncivilized. He did and accepted things he would never have if he were with an Arab woman. 

As honest as this point of view may seem; it makes me think more about the double standards that our Arab men adopt in their lives. They are something when they are with their women in their own world and they become something totally different when they are dealing with women from the outer world. What makes this even sadder is that they do it out of selfishness; no offense to all guys out there, but you are doing it to be perceived as civilized by these women, and you give them your respect to the extent of doing everything you can to achieve an image you drew in your imagination, yet you don’t do the same with women from your own world because your community gives you such power, and in your heart; you don’t feel the need to prove anything to the Arab woman because she is lucky just to have you!

It makes sense now why Arab men don’t like strong women and prefer the woman who sees the world through their eyes; one that does not object and agrees to everything that they say. It makes sense now that a man lives his single life to the full and when he is thirty something or forty something and is finally ready to get married; he does not pursue a woman who is close to his age; or even from his generation, rather; he goes after a woman young enough to be his daughter and convinces himself that this is a fit marriage.

Why are they so afraid? What makes them think that such a young girl would have anything in common with them? Why do they respect the foreign woman and do their best to make her see them as civilized individuals yet they don’t do the same with Arab women?

I am an advocate for communication and I always say that it takes two to make the relationship fail or succeed, and I don’t like generalizations; I believe that exceptions of today will be the rules of tomorrow and that our children will not go through the same things that we went through. We are paving the roads for them to live easier lives.

Life itself is evolving rapidly and if we don’t keep up with it, we will not find a place in it for us. Change is always good as long as we take its positive side and learn from its negative one, but it does not make sense to hold on to old thoughts and say that they are a part of tradition and that we should accept them as they are without attempting to make them fit the life of today. It is a good thing to know about our cultures and traditions, and define the boundaries according to current life changes, as we cannot go by the same standards that our ancestors drew for themselves; time changed and more importantly; we did. I would like to believe that we are more sophisticated and knowledgeable, and that we are ready to take on new challenges in our lives.

The way I see it is that if we do not start accepting and customizing new changes in our lives; we will be left out and find ourselves on the sidewalks as life passes by and leaves us behind. It is much better to accept these changes and imbed them in our culture drawing some limits and boundaries to keep the Arab identity, than to be forced to take it or leave it.

To Arab men I say: meet us half way and respect us as peers and partners so that we can have decent fruitful communications and lives; help us understand your uniqueness and individuality as you do the same exact thing with us. There are fantastic people out there who can be great couples that will lead the future, but only if we adopted positive change in our lives.

As usual; your opinions are the sole purpose I blog; so please be generous and share your thoughts with everyone!

Blogging revolution is on the rise and there is no telling when it will calm down if ever. Blogs have given individuals a power that they lacked and craved until only recently.

The way I see it; is that the media history will be classified as pre-blogs and post-blogs phases or eras.

Pre-blogs was a phase where we had assigned individuals with the sole responsibility of communicating with the media and providing them with well revised content that was compatible with all laws and policies available. These contents did not necessarily reflect the ideas of their own writers and editors, rather; they reflected the ideas of the general policy of the entity as a whole.

Some journalists were really brave to speak out their minds and outline their opinions about events or policies in countries or regions or the world for that matter, and they were marked for doing so either positively or negatively, and many of them dealt with consequences of such markings.

Post-blogs is a revolution that the whole world is experiencing and many of us are taking part of this completely different approach to media and communication and on a large scale that extends to be global.

Internet brought down all the boundaries and barriers that crippled communication and interaction between worlds and civilizations, but there was a missing link to all this great new technology; the media was not reaching the people. Blogs however; have completed the cycle and provided the missing link in this rapidly growing means of communication and now utilizing the power of blogs, real people are reaching their peers from different civilizations, backgrounds, locations, etc.

Bit by bit; the gaps that used to exist and being bridged and exposure to new things is always the controlling factor in the wonderful journey that we are taking part in.

As the power of blogs is continuously on the rise; corporations are beginning to realize how important it is to reach their customers and consumers through this genuine method, and what makes it even more interesting is that they can conduct researches and run surveys to get consumers' feedback on their products or services in an easier, faster and less costly methods.

The question here is that: are corporations in the Arab world ready for such a leap?

What makes blogs so famous and sought by readers from different ranks of life, is that they give a more genuine and personal perspective about the content provided. So, when I visit a blog and read the content about anything provided there; I already have the pervious assumption that this information is credible and trusted, which brings me to the next question: are corporations in the Arab World ready to place a credible blogger that will list their negatives as well as their positives?

A friend of mine sent me a great article about this issue and the writer focuses on the credibility of provided information, as false information is easily spotted and marked by readers and other bloggers and if a corporation was caught in the fatal act of misleading the audience; this is what is called: "Death by Blog".

Should a blogger be appointed to maintain the corporate blog; he/she must be brave and credible enough to provide the audience with trusted content that will promote the credibility of the corporation as a whole. But are Arab corporations ready to give such power to one of their people? Are they willing to trust someone that much and stand accountable for their own mistakes and talk about them before anyone else does?

The way I see it; we still have a long way to reach this stage, as blogging as a concept is still taking the baby steps in the Arab World, and not until it is all grown up and strong that we will see such transparency and accountability provided by our corporations be them in government or private sectors. The mentality behind these organizations is what governs the attitudes of their representatives, and no one wants to be the scapegoat and initiate this concept. Even if someone was bold enough to take such a step; he/she will be risking getting the pink slip from the company they work for and represent, hence; they stay in the shadow, at least for the time being.

What these corporations (or those behind them) don’t get is that nothing would give them more credibility than to humanize their brands and give them a face that people can relate to and communicate with, but they are still afraid of the power that they might be giving away by doing so, and overlooking the humungous benefits they would reap if they gave such empowerment and acted as proactive leaders.

As soldiers of life, we live and die in a continuous struggle to discover our true identities and take our special ranks that God created us for. From the moment we are born till the moment we did, there is no moment to waste and we need to keep energizing ourselves to reach our goals.

These goals are set according to the stage that we are in, and the effort should be compatible with the goal in order to overcome hurdles and obstacles to reach there safely and victoriously.

From the early childhood days, the goals kept evolving as we grew older; first it was to raise our heads from the lying position, then to crawl, and after that to walk, and then run, etc. We fell and hurt ourselves many times but this never stopped us from trying to achieve the goal set for us.

As we gained more physical ability; we started to gain mental power to differentiate between good things and bad things, and we knew what goes with our surroundings and what does not. We knew what is acceptable and what is rejected, and our inner feelings and intuition always aided us to make the right choice.

As we grew older; we started to recognize new things in ourselves; feelings and emotions. These new motivators pushed us toward certain things or people and alienated us from others. We learned how to love and how to hate, and between love and hate; we learned how to be jealous, bitter, giving, forgiving, forgetting, sacrificing, etc.

We learned that in order to keep and nurture what we want and love; we need to fight for it, and make sure that no one else comes along and snatches it from us; so we were introduced to a new concept and that is to fight people like us to stop them from threatening our peace that we have struggled and worked so hard to achieve.

The problem with all this is when these feelings begin to mix and confuse us, and sometimes we reach a point where we are committing the act for the sake of doing so and not because there is a real need for it. The real danger is when this act becomes a habit and a second nature to us and we can no longer choose to do it or not do it, because we let it take over our judgment and shut the sound of reason.

It is quite understood when you are fighting for what is rightfully yours and for your inner and outer peace, but you have to be very careful as to whom you are fighting. Sometimes; we alienate close people because our judgment has been shadowed by the nature that we have unconsciously adopted along the years.

Some people adore the role of the victim in their lives and those of their beloved family members, and they become experts in the blame game. They blame everything and everyone in their live for their bad luck and misfortune. These people are the worst abusers of others affection and love; they turn life into a battlefield that never has a truce. There is always someone out there to get them, people around them don’t love them, or they are just jealous and that’s why they keep trying to trap them and drive them into trouble. Nothing is ever enough with this type and no matter what you do, you will always miss something and you never get it right.

These people start fighting everyone around them, even those who are trying to help them, and the funny thing is that I realized that those people who like victimizing themselves over and over; are the most selfish type out there because they always crave being the center of attention even if this means subjecting themselves to everyone's pity.

You can recognize this type when you see them always complaining, always have something to bitch about, all the random events in their surroundings were meant for them and against them. They never take responsibility for their actions because according to them; they have always been forced to do everything. They adopt this "poor me" attitude and expect you to buy it and act on it; you have to show your support and direct involvement; otherwise; you will be accused of not loving them and for working against them.

To these people I say: you are fighting at the wrong front and no one will lose in the end but yourselves. People around you can tolerate and take your attitude for a certain period of time and then they are just fed up, and instead of pulling them closer by making them feel sorry for you; you drive them further away by doing so, and you will reach a point where you find yourself fighting alone at your front and the whole world had abandoned you and this time it is for real.

To the person who inspired this post and you should know yourself very well; change your attitude while we are still on your side; if you continue to victimize yourself like you always do and fight us because of demons living inside your head; you will wake up one day to realize that our ship has sailed and left you behind and there is no way that we will go back and subject ourselves to your continuous abuse. Wake up before it's too late!!

It never seizes to amaze me how isolated in our own worlds we are …

We are staying in the same house with people that we love and care for, we are eating with them and sit on the same couch, watch the same shows and yet, we don’t really know who these people are.

It is a phenomenon in our part of the world how disconnected we are. We are the most social communities; we visit our relatives and we share experiences, chit chats and news, but we do not share ourselves. We do all these things because we feel obliged and not because we want to.

A lot of couples wake up one day to realize that they are spending their lives with a complete stranger. They cannot be their true selves in front of the closest person to them and this is really sad.

They cannot express their true desires and inner thought because they fear being judged and misunderstood. We share an outer world where we are wearing masks, lots and lots of masks and each has its own purpose.

You wake up in the morning and before you even wash your face; you wear the first mask. This mask is supposed to hide worry, anger, exhaustion and complete confusion of life and future. You wear this mask because you don’t want those living with you to get a true feel of what you are thinking of or going through, because this will shake the stable chair they have comfortably seated themselves on, and you don’t want them to change their perception of you. They have always seen you in control and you don’t want that to change; not now.

As you reach work, it is time for the second mask. This one will give you the professional attitude as you need to be taken seriously by your colleagues, subordinates and superiors. You have to keep this mask on for the longest part of your day. It exhausts you but you cannot take it off because it is too risky to do so and people might get a peek at your vulnerabilities and take advantage of them and maybe use them against you.

During the day; you might need to put the happy mask when dealing with a client, or an amused mask when you are entertaining one. Mask after mask after mask and the game continue.

It seems that the only time you can be free of all the masks is when you are alone and that’s when you start talking to your inner self to make it feel that everything is ok. How lonely is that?

We do the very same things every single day and people around us think that they know us and can figure us out any time, and we might think the same about them, but the truth is, we don’t know each other and we don’t communicate, and the more we close ourselves to the world, the harder the communication gets, and then all of a sudden, we are faced with a cruel fact; we are strangers even to ourselves and the masks are even there in our solitude, and we no longer remember who we are, so we adopt the closest thing to our old self as we once knew it, and the masks become us and we become the masks.

When I realized that I am losing myself to the masks, I decided that I would never hide behind one, and that I will always say what's on my mind and how I feel, because keeping it inside would only make things worse and will not get me what I want in this life. If you want your family to understand how exhausted and overwhelmed you are; you just have to say something.

People's nature is to assume things according to what they see and feel from others; and they take things and other people for granted believing that once a bond is formed; it will last. But the truth is that anything in life needs nurturing and maintenance; if you don’t spend enough time and effort taking care of what you have; you will lose eventually.

Don’t believe that others know you; you have to make them know you by opening up and sharing yourself with them. Don’t assume that others know how you feel about them; you need to tell them. Don’t take for granted whatever you have; you might lose it in a blink of an eye while you are not the tiniest bit prepared.

Life is hard enough with all the help that we are getting from God and people; let's try to make it easier on ourselves and others by sharing, communicating and once and for all, dropping the masks and showing our true colors.

Don’t be surprised! Jordan is one of these countries that if you are a woman and did not marry before the age of 25; panic attacks start hitting your family and specifically your mother, and they start doing their best to change this status to married so that they can finally rest and breathe that they did what they were supposed to do.

So what happens if you hit the critical age of 25 and you are still single? From my experience; it is quite a change. I will tell you here about some of the things that will start taking place; they start very shyly but then they become aggressive in nature and you can no longer ignore them.

Suddenly; your mother wants to take you with her to any social call she is making, even if you don’t know the people or you don’t have anything in common with them; your mom will do her best to show you around to her friends and relatives and will go on and on about how successful you are, smart, obedient and how you would make a great wife and mother.

When you go to wedding parties, women will salute you and say in a low tone: By God's will; next time it will be your turn!! When will they learn that this is not a nice wish? It is as if saying we hope that one day you will get married as if this is the ultimate achievement in life!

As years go by and there is no courageous knight to come on his white horse and sweep you off your feet; the panic becomes terror and your family can no longer hide their fear from you; you will see it and feel it in everything they do or say; you do your best to reassure that you are ok with it, but still they don’t want to leave you behind alone in this world; which is something I understand especially in our society, because you will not be left alone, and every man in your family would feel that he has the right to be your custodian no matter how old you are or what social status you have; as long as you are still single; you don’t have the right to control your own life.

The big disaster takes place when your younger sister is being courted or proposed to. Your parents fall in a dilemma of traditional convictions that the younger must not marry before the elder. They don’t want to hurt the elder's feelings and lessen her chances in getting a good husband, and at the same time, they don’t want to stand in the way of the happiness of the younger. I really feel sorry for these parents; as they keep thinking of their daughters and they keep repeating the famous Arabic saying: "ham el banat le el mamat", which means that worry about daughters, keep haunting you till you die.

They start giving up when their daughter hits the 30's and she is still unmarried; and they start thinking of alternative solutions to make her life livable. They start giving her more privileges; she can stay out later than before, she can travel sometimes, and all the time they are hoping that one day; she will get married.

What is really sad about this, is that the community treats a woman of such status as if there is something wrong with her, or assuming that she is not good enough to marry one of the great guys out there. Assumptions about her past and morals start becoming the gossip of town, some would say that they heard she had lots of boyfriends in the past, and that’s why no one wants her, or that she would give any man a hard time because she is demanding, or that she is arrogant and snobbish, and many other creative stories about the reason that she is still not belonging to a man!

The most tragic thing is that when married men start proposing to her to become their second wife, assuming that she is past the age of marriage; she will definitely compromise and she should thank God that some man even thought of marrying her, as if he is doing her a favor. Some men would think that such a woman is easier to get and nail because she is desperate, and that she would be grateful if they gave her the time of the day.

No one assumes that she might be happy just the way things are, and the fact that she did not marry till now makes her insist on not compromising when it comes to the man she will spend her life with. If he did not bring something good in her life to add value; then why should she accept it? Why would she complicate her life?

Those who fall in the trap that the community designs for them, make it easier for people to believe all the bad assumptions about this woman.

Sad truth is; a woman does not get the respect she deserves unless she belonged to a man under the name of marriage. Rare are those women who can make it in our culture and survive all these setbacks. However; the fear will always be there, she will be perceived as a less of a woman and she will be treated with pity!

I have always believed that it is wrong to marry for the fear of not being married; marriage is a sacred bond that should be formed between two people who want and choose to spend their lives together because they found real happiness in this unity. I believe that I will marry someone because I love him and I will not love someone because I will marry him; if you think about it; you will find that it makes a lot of sense; if only they understand and leave us the heck alone; if we marry or don’t marry; that affects only us, so save yourselves the headache of following up on our lives that do not concern you!

There comes a time in our lives when we feel that we can make it on our own, and that we can face the world alone, to experience independency in its most glorious forms. It's a nice dream that keeps tickling our imagination, but the reality hits it hard in the guts reminding us that we are in the Middle East.

We come in life and don’t choose our families or even names. Even the decision of conceiving us is one that is taken by someone else; i.e. our parents. We are born to a strange environment; we get out of a world that was ours to a world that controls us through every aspect of it.

We grow up and get used to being told what to wear, what to do, what to eat and the list keeps going one and on.

We start school and we are directed towards something that others draw for us, and more often that not; it seems that we are there to make someone else's dream come true.

We live in the taboo culture; don’t do this and don’t do that. It reminds me of Bart Simpson when he used to say: you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t; nothing seems to please the community or the people, and at the same time you are not allowed to simply ignore them and do what you like; you live among people and you have to mingle and fit in.

We walk towards a future that was drawn for us; we are nothing but a part of a master plan that was designed by others, and everyone seems to know what is best for us but us. If they want to teach you responsibility; they introduce you to house chores and baby sitting your little sister, and if they want to teach you about discipline; they introduce you to punishment techniques they have creatively invented.

You graduate thinking that it is my time to rule the world now, and I have the ability to be on my own and take life and challenge it. You have this short dream to be stopped by a shocking reality that you are not free yet; you are still in custody!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful to the great people that brought us to the world and helped us live up to this point, but care can suffocate you; literally.

The only thing that we don’t learn from our families, schools, universities, society, etc. is being accountable and independent. A lot of us don’t even know what the word accountability means, and independency means starting a family of your own.

The everlasting problem that we keep facing over and over; is that we don’t gradually learn about independency and accountability; rather we are thrown in the middle of the fire and are expected not to get burned. We are faced with a lot of new things to learn and cope with all of a sudden, and unless you are prepared for this, it will take you a lifetime and maybe never to reach where you are supposed to be.

When does the custody ever stop? Why can't we be on our own when we are still in the learning phase to grasp knowledge and appreciate it bit by bit? Why aren't we allowed to explore life on our own? Why aren't we given the power of choice? Why don’t they teach us to make decisions and take responsibility for them?

What happens in our society is that the parents make your decisions for you, and choose your life direction, your education, and your profession and sometimes even your life partner. It is worse when you are a woman, because you are stuck with this custody till you are turned over to another type of custody; your papers are transferred from your father to your husband, and there must always be a custodian; you cannot take care of yourself; because you are a woman!

If you are a woman, you need protection; you can't make it on your own; you need a man to be your keeper and to be responsible for you.

When are we going to be set free? Set us free for God's sake; set us free and let us be people of opinion who own the power to choose and claim responsibility for our decisions; set us free to expose the wonderful people we can be. It is becoming boring and quite humiliating the way we are kept and transferred from one custodian to another; like you; we have brains and we will be accountable in front of God at the end, so why can't you accept that we be accountable now?